Sleepwalking
by AlwaysPadfoot
Summary: If only I could hold on to something that made me feel just that little bit more real, because right now this felt like I was asleep.


**Sleepwalking**

 **AlwaysPadfoot**

* * *

I'd been staring at her again; I'd tried to train myself to stop and forget about her. I knew she would never care for me the way I did her.

In the summer, my mother had talked animately about the day I would bring home a boy and begin a family of my own. I'd force a smile, nod my head and carry on with whatever I was doing. What broke my heart was every time she said boy; I'd never liked boys, but it wasn't until two years ago that I'd realised why. It was when we had our first joint class with the Hufflepuffs, that I first noticed her.

Susan Bones.

She was a small, mostly quiet girl with beautiful curves and a perfect rounded face. A splattering of freckles dusted her slightly rosy cheeks. When she got passionate about a topic we were studying she'd push her waves of red hair back and everyone would see the fire in her eyes when she spoke.

How could I not notice her?

But it was never going to work, that's what hurt me the most. Not only would my parents never allow it, but Susan would never fall in love with someone like me. No one would ever fall in love with someone who walked around as smug as I pretended. My dad always said that I could be the best and I carried that thought with me every day, until I realised that was my biggest mistake. I relived every moment where that thought cost me a friend.

As Astronomy came to an end, I allowed myself one final glance over at the red-head. She caught me, looking back at me confused as though I was doing something really odd. I pursed my lips and looked away, but underneath my cool exterior my heart broke painfully.

She left surrounded by her friends, all whispering under their breath.

The girl I was completely in love with destroyed my every hopeful look and then talked about it to her friends. I stood at my desk numb until someone nudged me to get moving. My eyes started to blur and I ducked my head, staying close to the back of the group. Instead of following my year mates I climbed the stairs further up the Astronomy tower. The blood was pounding behind my ears, every one of my footsteps was echoing around me; I felt distanced from my surroundings as I stood in the archway out onto the balcony.

My bag slid off my shoulder and landed with a dull thud before I stepped forward. A sheet of rain hit me making look as though I wasn't crying at all. The wind whipped around my face and my clothes grew wetter, shirt clinging to my arms and body.

I stood on the bottom rung on the of the railings, staring out across the grounds of the school I thought one day would provide me with so much. My shoulders shook; Susan was never going to return my love and any chance of me loving anyone else would end with an arranged marriage soon enough.

The life I _could_ have had was truly over.

I gripped the railings, droplets of water running over my hands; it made the only thing keeping me from falling even more slippery than it had been before. If only I could hold on to something that made me feel just that little bit more real, because right now this felt like I was asleep. It felt like as soon as I slipped, I'd wake up again.

I closed my eyes.

My whole body swayed forward and then back again. The rain continued to pelt my face and I raised a hand to try and dry it. My foot slipped as I did and my heart lept, thundering against my chest.

All of a sudden someone grabbed my waist and tugged me backwards where I landed in a heap on the stone floor alongside a figure I couldn't really make out in the dark. I remained lying down, my arms not seeming to want to respond to get up, like I wasn't in control of my own body any longer. I felt almost as though I was looking down on myself.

The figure made a noise of complaint and then hooked their arms under my armpit and pulled me back under the archway. It was far quieter than it had been before. Their face moved into the light and I forced my eyes to focus.

"Hey, Daphne? I really need you to say something right now because I'm kind of scared you're on drugs."

I recognised the voice, as panicky as it may be, I still knew who it was.

"I'm not on drugs."

My voice sounded distant still, despite how much I tried to inject offence into it. Maybe I was on drugs. I was not on drugs.

"You don't sound convincing," Susan replied.

"Is this real?" I asked, starting to shiver a little.

It was so cold.

"Of course," she said quickly - I could see she was in two mind about what to do. "Of course it's real. We just need to get you to your Common Room - or maybe the Hospital Wing -"

I grabbed her sleeve and my voice shook with fear as I spoke. "Not the Hospital Wing."

The last thing I wanted right now was to explain this to Madam Pomfrey.

"Okay, fine," she said, calmer now. "I'll just get you back to your Common Room and you can get some sleep."

I stared at her. I stared up at her face, eyes filled with concern. Why had she followed me? Why was she here sitting on the ground beside me, soaking wet from the rain? I let go of her sleeve, which I'd forgotten about grabbing. I could sit here forever with Susan looking at me like she cared. The last thing I wanted was to go to bed and fall asleep.

"I don't want to fall asleep." I told her.

Susan rolled her eyes and forced a smile. "Alright, just let me get you back to your room and in dry clothes. Is that okay, Daphne?"

I nodded. "That's okay."


End file.
